Confusing

These days are confusing days for me. I just dont know what I should do, what I have supposed to feel, hear, believe and react. Oh God, I really dont know. This is confusing. It's like I lost my self. I really lost my way. Everything that I've done these days it's like fatamorgana. Looks good but not real. What the hell is going on with me!!!

Usually I always know what I want, but now, I'm not that sure. Usually I always straight with what I believe in, but now I didn't really now what I straight for. God, this is confusing.

Then start to read anything in pinterest, just in case it will make me calm. But unfortunately it doesn't worked well. Damn! I need inner peace. Like panda in kungfu pandathe movie, INNER PEACE. Should I join any yoga training??? Hash...

Then I sholat..
I tell my confuseness to Allah. I really want the answer. About my actualization. About who I'm. What i supposed yo do. About everything. Dear Allah, save me..

When I'm alone, i just hear my heart to go back home.
This is confusing, I'm home now, in my hometown. With my family and iwa's family. Why I should go back home if I'm in home right now??? -______-"

One thing that I realize (even I dont know yet, that is true or not) that "home" in here means my husband. Home is the place where my husband exist. Home is where my husband is. Oh God.,, if only my teeth and my graduation done early, I'll go home NOW!!

Sadness

Everything is changing..
You know, when everything is not the same anymore. Its trully sad., I think I know why my head is so sick this few days. I think I realize why my heart is so empty this tew days. I can't fake it. I can't deny it. Hiks T-T

Kapan hari aku nimbrung di salah satu rapat temen-temen hijabee di hokben. I just so miss them damn much! I missed their laughs, I miss the business of event, I miss them. Eventhough rain fall so hard and the wind blows so hard, I didn't care. I just drive my motorcycle to that place. The place where my friends meet up. But when I first time come there, I feel like stranger. Haha.. this is trully true.. I'm the outsider right now. Apalagi ada yg nyeletuk, "Lhoh, mbak, komite? Kok disini?" I think this is a joke. But, unfortunately, not funny at all. It's like make some space and boundaries around me and them... my heart feels sad. Everything is changing but I thought is not. Betapa lugu nya aku. I shouldn't came there that day. It's hurt me.
I prefer to remember the day when I'm still one of them. Yes, aku nemilih untuk mengingat saat aku masih salah satu dari mereka. Tidak mengingat "kejadian" setelahnya. So, insyaallah hanya hal baik yang akan selalu aku ingat.. insyaallah..

After I choose to be married and moved to borneo, Everything is changing, and I have to face that fact. The situation, the community, the communucation, and the other "the" just say it, is changing. *sigh*

LDR Pasca menikah itu gak enak

Ternyata oh ternyata, LDR pasca menikah itu luarrr biasa tidak enak. Sebenernya, ini juga bukan LDR yang sebenernya sih. Cuman pisah 1,5 bulan "aja". Aku di Surabaya ngurusin wisuda dan suamiku stay di Sanggau, kerja. Tapiiiiiii,, ternyata kalau orang sudah menikah itu BEDA rasanya! Perasaan hati tidak tenang dan tidak nyaman T-T. Rasanya, lebih baik aku di Sanggau di pedalaman jauh dari segala fasilitas bersama suamiku drpd di Surabaya yang penuh akan fasilitas. T-T
Apalagi denger suamiku sakit disana, rasa hati ini semakin gak tenang. Gak happy.. :((((

Intinya, kalo masih pacaran, memang lebih baik LDR biar g terjadi apa-apa. Biar terhindar dari dosa, apalagi zina..  Tapi, kalo dh nikah, lebih baik jangan LDR dah... biar hati tenang, ayem, tentrem, gemah lipah loh jinawi bersama suami..

Missing you so bad,
Mrs.deviyanuari

Letting go

Surabaya hujan mendayu-dayu. Make me think about something that I've trough in my life. About some people who I let to into my life. And about some people who I let to go from my life..

Some people just leaves me a nice footprint, and other leaves a scare which won't heal.

Hmmm,,

At some point you'll realize that you've done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone.  Walk away. Its not because you are giving up. And its not like you shouldn't try. It's just that you've draw the line of determination from desperation.  What is trully yours will eventually yours, and what is not, no matter how; hard you try, will never be..

Maybe it calles the way of destiny ya..

Some people stay, some people are leave.

One day they are special, then one day they are stranger..

Yah, sekali lagi, what is trully yours will eventually yours, and what is not, no matter hard you try, it will never be... so, if it,s not yours, just letting go ikhlasly... #alah.. hahahaaa...maksudnya, letting go dengan ikhlas..

Entah itu kekasih, teman, sahabat, rekan... life must go on, right? :) if it meants to be together, lak balik-balik sendiri di moment yang terbaik :)

With love,

Mrs.deviyanuari

2 tujuan di Surabaya

Its such a looong time aku g nulis di blog lagi.,, huhuuuu.,,
Mungkin, karena saat aku di Sanggau, aku punya banyak waktu untuk diluangkan menulis. Sedangkan, sekarang saat aku di surabaya, I have no time... harusnya no excuse sih., namanya nulis itu bisa dibiasakan setiap hari, misal sesaat sebelum tidur..
Apapun itu tulisannya.,,

Oke,,, i'll try to story story about my day ini surabaya.

Let me start..

Sebenarnya, aku di Surabaya sekarang ini memiliki 2 tujuan khusus. Tujuan pertam adalah menyelesaikan administrasi pendaftaran wisuda yang akan di laksanakan tanggak 30 maret mendatang. Dan yang kedua adalah berbisnis!!! Hahahahaaaa... emang otak pedagang ya, yang dipikirin jualan mulu'!

Untuk tujuan pertama, well done!
Setelah berjibaku muter-muter kampus, akhirnya segaka tetek bengek pendaftaran wisuda selesai sudah. Tinggal duduk manis nunggu wisuda yang diselenggarakan di kampus C Unair tgl 30 maret 2013.

Dan tujan kedua ini lho yang bikin kepala jadi kaki, kaki jadi kepalaaa... hahahaaa,, lebay..
Jadi, aku sedang sibuj mengembangkan produk-produknya mrs.deviyanuari. dan sekarang sedang sibuk dengan clutch bag.. and fortunately, alhamdulillah dapet respon baik dari para customer,alhsil setiap malam saya lembur garap pesenan. Yah, untuk saat ini semua proses produksi aku sendiri yang handle. Oh God, semoga aku bisa segera punya karyawan ya... biar lebih get jualannya.aaaaamiiiiiiinnn..

Oke, itu singkat cerita..
Yukkk dada babayyyyy..

With love,
Mrs.deviyanuari